I've had a lot of issues with art for about 3 years. I haven't painted much since the Beloved painting. It started with me becoming distant with God.

I had been making art for a couple years and fully knowing and realizing I was not an artist without God. I don't have good ideas, I'm not creative, I'm not talented...unless I'm praying and dedicating my art to the Lord and realizing I'm nothing without Him. Through me God created some beautiful things:



The stuff that was coming out of me were acts of worship.

But then around 3 years ago, my relationship with God started to suffer. I'm not going to get into it, but it has really sucked. I don't spend time with Him, I don't spend much time praying and I haven't made art.

Recently things with God are starting to get better. I have a new perspective of God, one where He is the Almighty glorious creator. He is merciful and full of grace. Me "coming back" to Him is nothing I can work towards. There's no work involved because Jesus already did the work by dying on the cross. I just have to accept that I suck...I am a sinner....I am nothing without Him and all I can do is receive His Grace. The new realization is bringing me back to a place of softness. Of understanding and a willingness to spend more time with Him. He is giving me creativity again. I have been making baby bibs and totally love it.

Chatting with Jacob & Lily this weekend, I was able to reflect a bit more on the art process. I told them about my Beloved painting and the pressure I feel to live up to the monetary value that's been placed on it. Karla told me that God did not intend for worship to have monetary value. Wow. That's a good realization to have. Kind of takes the pressure off me.

I have also realized I am a very self-conscious artist. I very much compare my work to other artists and try to think about how non-artists view my work....is it good enough? Do they see the work of an artist? How then does an artist view my work? Do they scrutinize it? Do they judge it? Blech. So much stupid comparisons....it's all crap. My art is supposed to be worship, and as such it's about the spending of time with God and not the finished product. I really need to remind myself of that.

So I do not regret not painting for 3 years. I would have been forcing something that couldn't be. I wasn't in the place with God to be doing it, so why do it. I've had so many people encourage me and beg me start painting again...but I really couldn't do it until I felt like God was giving me the go-ahead.

I'm starting to feel like now maybe he is. I want to start small. I want to move away completely from the style of painting I was doing before. My headspace is stuck in the box of that style and I don't know where to go from there. So I will start fresh. I'm going to start easy and paint a few baby room paintings. I'm going to continue to make baby bibs. I think all this is going to be good for me...get me back into the groove of things. And while I'm at it, I'm thinking of opening an etsy shop to sell my bibs and prints of paintings. I had been thinking about it for awhile now...my husband has been encouraging me and I've also gotten a lot of encouragement from friends. So I think I will.

My husband and I brainstormed ideas last night. We came up with one that we both think fits nicely. It needs to have dual purpose; it has to suit selling baby things and selling art. So what do you think of: Bleubyrd. (Pronounced "Bluebird" ...I just added a poll, so weigh in your two cents there).

So that's my art life in a nutshell. I'm happy to say that things...they are a changin'.